neverlaur:

neverlaur:

bowlingforwhoop:

neverlaur:

So my Dad and brother took separate cars to dinner tonight, and this happened.

they look like they are arguing about who is going to go home and change

Oh, they were.
Jake: You’ve got to be kidding meDad: You SAW me walk through the kitchen on my way to pick up your sister!Jake: No seriously do you have an extra shirt in your car this is ridiculous

Oh my god they’re gonna kill me they didn’t want to even walk into the restaurant together let alone have this many people reblog this photo

lggyzalea:

freshmen advice: y’all know bout high school musical right?? well that shit is legit. better get practicing. everyday at lunch we go hard af. stick to the status quo.

galehawthorne:

galehawthorne:

i jUST WANT TO BE LIKED

I SPELLED BEVERAGE WRONG
ANONYMOUSLY MAKE ME BLUSH

vertex-the-pony:

balladoftarby:

dnotive:

Go ahead. Do your worst.

this is either gonna be a terrible decision on my part or nothing’s gonna happen haha

I’ll only post the successful ones.

watdawut:

Do you want to build a pentagonal dodecahedron?

 It doesn’t have to be a pentagonal dodecahedron
lameboob:

ONE LETTER MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD

3ch0-lokshun:

speakintongueandcheek:

shisnojon:

heliolisk:

any cookie is bite sized if you try hard enough

image

ANY COOKIE IS BITE SIZED IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH

image

image

image

image

image

NOT ALL COOKIES

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.
a-wild-eviee-appears:

trying to go on tumblr at school.